Vegas on Acid through Yves St. Laurent Sunglasses

It was a hot one. With temps soaring well into 110s we all treked into the edge of the Death Valley Desert to attend the party of the summer: M & D's Bachelor/ette Party. Some came from as far as DC to indulge in the debauchery the city of sin flaunts to the starving souls who come here to sweat it out. We all know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but...

B-Boys Party, Friday night: Two words. Toby Keith--I Love this Bar! (and grill)! A lady caught Gasm's eye--and a second later, their lazy eyes met too. It was like a movie... that the Wayans brothers produced. She was alright, but I found myself talking to her good eyeball and trying to avoid the other one. Then when I'd think that she looked the other way, I'd sneak a peak and accidently make eye contact with the lazy eye who was a bit delayed. It was awkward. Did she see me or didn't she? It was a mystery.

I thought it would be this way the whole night, until we got to Rhinos. Spearmint Rhinos that is. It was a lot of fun for those who were getting lap dances, but for those who weren't, it was a lot of staring at other guys' boners. As economical as I am, staring at chicks who are giving guys lap dances is not worth it, even if its free. Instead of staring at the chick, you get distracted by what the guy is or isn't doing. And the whole payment thing is very confusing as well. I'm not sure how many songs that was to tell you the truth--I wasn't listening. And staring at lap dances only leaves you prone to someone stealing your liquor:

"What the hell? Where's the goose?"
"Oh my god! Is she pouring it off her boobs? "
"I'm buying a lapdance just to knee her in her cunt. That bitch."

We all managed to get out of there with some money left in our pockets, but Vegas has a way of just hustling you right back into a casio by turning up the temperature outside. We met the girls after their sleazy night at the Thunder Down Under Aussie strip show. And the sleaze continued for some of us. There's something about being comfortably sleazy around people you know only in Vegas. Maybe it was a alcohol... Its always the alcohol... It was the alcohol... In fact, I don't even remember any sleazy incidents. Except a few...

Stay tunned for some more.

DC

Its been a MONTH!

Its been over a month since we've last had an official game night, and prior to that, its had been a couple of months. THIS IS SHIT! As a reminder, the last game night ended in violence as we erupted over a game of risk. In everyone's defense, Bob is a manipulative cheater.

Lets recap what has all happened since then...

June 2: Party a DP's new place. Mike and Tony show up holding hands giggling and obviously intoxicated. I point out that Mike has his leather cowboy vest on backwards. We all drink heavily into the night and bear witness to 1) Mike deny a hamburger, 2) MTL and Tony trying to spray me with the fire extinguisher from my hallway, 3) Morgan holding himself steady using the doorknob as he tries to smoke a cigarette backwards, and 4) Meatball and his GF trying to get it on in my bathroom only to spill alcohol all over the wall. Next time any of you come over, I'm cutting you off.

June 6 aka Don's Birthday: Tony and DP shake on a bet that DP cannot chug 1/2 a bottle of grey goose in under 2 minutes and hold it down for at least 4 minutes after that. DP smashes the time frame and chugs a solo cup full of grey goose in 20 seconds--two chugs. 4 minutes later, Tony shits his pants and tries to figure out how he's going to come up with $500. DP just laughs, stumbles around, then laughs again only to stumble back into the world and purchase b-day gifts for himself under the influence.

June 25: Gay fest. I exepcted to see Bob there dressed in his wrestling leotard sipping red drinks out of a straw shaped like a dick, but there were too many people that fit that mold so I couldn't exactly pick Bob out. I didn't stay long, but I while I was there, I couldn't help but to think of all the anal sex that was going to go on that night. It was a very wierd vibe I got from people as they stared my down like I was just a huge ass with 2 legs and 2 assholes. Anyways, I realized once again that I am a very hot commodity down in boystown. It must be my skin. I've been told I have some very nice skin.

Anyways, what's up for this week? Allie is out of town for a week starting Thursday. Frauleins and poker anyone?

D

Chris Berry w/ Panjea and special guest Mike Kang!

Anyone want to go?

$10, tonight in Wicker Park or tomorrow in the South Loop.

Oh, yeah, and all yous guys are bitches.

Let me guess... game night is cancelled this week because... Mike has to... do laundry?

Yeah, he hasn't used that one yet and we all know school's out for summer.

This Post's Fer You!

What comment?

I've never seen it. I don't know what you're talking about. And I didn't even know you were going to see Coldplay.

Hope everything "gets better."

GameNight Danergerously Close to Extinction!

Its been about a month now since Gamenight was last seen. Is it extinct? That is the question those of us who appreciate it all wonder. Many think that "being a bitch" has been the directly correlated with the decline of enthusiam towards the Thursday night ritutal and with all the evidence, its hard to dispute.

Gamenight veteran DC was quoted as saying, "it all started with Rdogg Adam when the 5th season of American Idol began its casting. That night he told us he was going to a basketball game, but he was really kareokeing to all the Idol episodes he be had been TiVoing."

Looking back on the facts, the next major event to impact the frequency of GameNight was MTL canceling to study for his Drugs and Alcohol 101 class. "Being a bitch" was definately to blame for these series of cancellations.

This week is no different. MTL is cancelling the Return of GameNight because he is "going out of town." Which pretty much translates into "I didn't do my ditto sheet for my Drugs and Alcohol 101 class."

In other updates, 9cm, Mr. Fatchick, and New Mike are still bitches, and Looseholes, well, is "worn out." You know, "stretched." Kind of like "dirty" or "used" and pretty much "not desireable." He's been "kicked to the curb" so to speak.

Hope to see you all the next time I offer to buy you all drinks on the firm's bill.





Hope to see you all

MTL Cancels Game Night Just as it Gets Underway!

So its 2 weeks in a row now that Game Night is canceled on account that MTL has to do homework for his drugs class. Its 4-20 Game Night too. And then he rambles on AGAIN about his fucking music exchange.

Hey Mike, how about doing your homework anytime between Friday and Wednesday? Shit, you even have the day of Game Night to do your little fucking ditto sheet of multiple choice answers--even if it is both front and back:

Q1: Drugs are...
A. Lkn123lkjadi5678
B. Spelled with the letter 4
C. Bad
D. This is an incorrect answer

"Ummm... I think I need to cancel Game Night to really study this information."

I really don't understand the claim "I need to start focusing on what's important: my drugs class." Did your mom tell you to say that to us? "Focus" on a Friday evening Drugs and Alcohol 101 class? Are you kidding? I heard if you just write your name on the Scantron, its a guaranteed B+. Add in the FREE extra credit, and shit, you don't even have to take the test to get an A-.

This is outrageous! I am going to start boycotting Game Night if nonsense like this continues!

Expiration Parties = Free Drinks!

Its about that time of month folks! Free food and drinks on the firm! Exploit my hard work and devotion to my job by having my firm buy you free drinks at Mix on Halsted this Friday! Yes, yes... give it to the man. Please RSVP so I can get an approximate count of how many of you Suckubusses are coming.

I know these things get a bit crazy so please refrain me from saying anything "creepy." I'm not sure how exactly I got the nickname, but it may have been because of the other night...

Lets see. Well, I was out with a few work buddies having a couple of drinks--which turned into 3 or 4 or 10. Its all good. I can handle my alcohol. Well, apparently, as I am told, I was talking to this girl. Okay, normal also.

Well my buddies overheard me whisper to this girl, "I'm going to eat your asshole out so hard you're going to be kicking holes in my drywall."

What?

My buddy quickly interrupted saying that I was getting creepy. I replied, "Cool it dude. Its okay, its okay. Its just a numbers game my friend... just a numbers game..."

Moral of the story? Friends don't let friends get Creepy. And if they do, cool it dude--its just a numbers game.

I thought XBox, aka Bob (Barker) might like that story--the riegning host of The Numbers Game.

MTL Says, "We're back this week!"

On a email sent to me by none other than The Host himself, MTL declares, "Game Night is on!", then rambles on about some flea market style music exchange.

He did not disclose the particular game TBP (to be played), but did admit that he was going to be on drinks. Expect the typical MTL flea market-style drinks: Skol Vodka (in an Absolut bottle) mixed heavily with grapefruit juice. A sure deterrent of productivity at the workplace the following morning.

We'll see what the night yields.

On a side note, congradulate Squirmy (aka Fees) on losing his virginity (with the opposite sex) this past weekend at the ripe ol' age of... 33. MTL and I were both witnesses to him bringing home a girl at 4:30am. The way that they met? Well, he farted on her at the bar then she came home with him. At least that's what she told us. Its a match made in heaven: Squirmy and Fart Bags sittin in a tree, smelling his f-a-r-t-i-n-g...

Wow.