MTL Cancels Game Night Just as it Gets Underway!

So its 2 weeks in a row now that Game Night is canceled on account that MTL has to do homework for his drugs class. Its 4-20 Game Night too. And then he rambles on AGAIN about his fucking music exchange.

Hey Mike, how about doing your homework anytime between Friday and Wednesday? Shit, you even have the day of Game Night to do your little fucking ditto sheet of multiple choice answers--even if it is both front and back:

Q1: Drugs are...
A. Lkn123lkjadi5678
B. Spelled with the letter 4
C. Bad
D. This is an incorrect answer

"Ummm... I think I need to cancel Game Night to really study this information."

I really don't understand the claim "I need to start focusing on what's important: my drugs class." Did your mom tell you to say that to us? "Focus" on a Friday evening Drugs and Alcohol 101 class? Are you kidding? I heard if you just write your name on the Scantron, its a guaranteed B+. Add in the FREE extra credit, and shit, you don't even have to take the test to get an A-.

This is outrageous! I am going to start boycotting Game Night if nonsense like this continues!

Expiration Parties = Free Drinks!

Its about that time of month folks! Free food and drinks on the firm! Exploit my hard work and devotion to my job by having my firm buy you free drinks at Mix on Halsted this Friday! Yes, yes... give it to the man. Please RSVP so I can get an approximate count of how many of you Suckubusses are coming.

I know these things get a bit crazy so please refrain me from saying anything "creepy." I'm not sure how exactly I got the nickname, but it may have been because of the other night...

Lets see. Well, I was out with a few work buddies having a couple of drinks--which turned into 3 or 4 or 10. Its all good. I can handle my alcohol. Well, apparently, as I am told, I was talking to this girl. Okay, normal also.

Well my buddies overheard me whisper to this girl, "I'm going to eat your asshole out so hard you're going to be kicking holes in my drywall."

What?

My buddy quickly interrupted saying that I was getting creepy. I replied, "Cool it dude. Its okay, its okay. Its just a numbers game my friend... just a numbers game..."

Moral of the story? Friends don't let friends get Creepy. And if they do, cool it dude--its just a numbers game.

I thought XBox, aka Bob (Barker) might like that story--the riegning host of The Numbers Game.

MTL Says, "We're back this week!"

On a email sent to me by none other than The Host himself, MTL declares, "Game Night is on!", then rambles on about some flea market style music exchange.

He did not disclose the particular game TBP (to be played), but did admit that he was going to be on drinks. Expect the typical MTL flea market-style drinks: Skol Vodka (in an Absolut bottle) mixed heavily with grapefruit juice. A sure deterrent of productivity at the workplace the following morning.

We'll see what the night yields.

On a side note, congradulate Squirmy (aka Fees) on losing his virginity (with the opposite sex) this past weekend at the ripe ol' age of... 33. MTL and I were both witnesses to him bringing home a girl at 4:30am. The way that they met? Well, he farted on her at the bar then she came home with him. At least that's what she told us. Its a match made in heaven: Squirmy and Fart Bags sittin in a tree, smelling his f-a-r-t-i-n-g...

Wow.

MTL Cancels Game Night!

Game night is on hold for this thursday on account that Mike has a lot of stuff due for his Friday night Drugs and Alcohol class. What a joke.

How much stuff can you have due for a class like that? How much reading do you need to catch up on? Don't you already know this shit? Oh, write a paper--I got ya'. Why don't you just dig up one of your old college papers on the legalization of marijuana?! I know you must have about 15 of those. Shit, dig one up from high school! Just an FYI Mike, you should be able to teach this course seeming how we hold the 500-level section of class on thursday evenings, aka Game Night. What a bitch, you must be on your period. Don't forget to plug your axe wound for the rest of the week.

Axe wound? That was uncalled for. I hope Allie doesn't read this.

Here are some pictures from last week...

The Morning After

Game night was back in full force yesterday. The beer was flowing and poker was the game for the packed full house. We had a special guest coming straight out of Katrina by way of Washington DC--Fong, aka Thong, aka All Up in dat Ass. Actually, this guy was stealing my thunder. I was supposed to the be only asian guy there, quota=limit 1 (because I like to explain myself in Math). But not only was he there and asian, he had more product in his hair than I did. An obvious sign of superiority in the asian culture. WTF. Asshole. Whatever. He did like 0 beer bongs, spoke with hint of British accent, and took the "messy look" hair style over the top with too much gel--yes, there is such a thing. How much gayer can you get. Oh yeah, he had contacts in his eyes which made them blue and smelled like baby powder. That's how much gayer.

Fees dominated the poker game the whole night winning an estimated $80, possibly more. That squirmy little shithead. The only time he comes to game night is when we play poker and for some reason he always ends up winning. He doesn't contribute to game night, doesn't bring drinks, and definately does not provide a good vibe. When he took me out of the game with an all in, I tried to act like I didn't care, but I did. Oh, I did. I was like, "You've got balls Fees! You're so good at poker with the guys! Yay!" But what I really wanted to do was shove his little leprechaun ass in the corner and watch him squirm around trying to protect himself in a little ball while I stomp on him over and over again. Then I'd take his money. No, my money bitch.

This almost became a reality, but then girls showed up--normally a very cool thing on game night, but it was a bit different because we had to treat these girls with some respect. Not used to that. Ladies first on the beer bong... but they politely declined.

Props from the night go to Tony aka 9cm for throwing back a whopping, and possibly record setting, 10 beer bongs (without one mention of Allie). An amazing feat that could only be topped by... 11 beer bongs. Wow.

Although not props, some mention should be given to Nix aka Meatball, who, despite Brenda, tried to "keep it real" amongst the guys. We saw right through it, but good effort on the flex. Meatball definately did not get sex later that night because of the way he acted in front of the girlfriend, and that deserves some mention. It was a sacrifice. But hey, if you planned ahead, you would have dissolved like 10 sleeping pills in her last drink before you went home. Then deny everything the next morning:

"How should I know why your ass hurts? You said no so I just went to bed, just like you... Moo hahahaha! Moo hahahaha! What?"

Just a little trick from someone who Keeps it Real fo' real. Take lessons son.

Anyways.

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Mindy's B-Day party tonight at Zellas! Wish her a happy birthday and give her some spanks! Yeah... spanks...

Last Weak and This Week

Last weak gamenight...

For those of you where weren't there, game night was brought down a few notches by New Mike and Looseholes. Monopoly and a 12 pack of Amstel Light... a 12 pack of Amstel Light? WTF! I piss 12 packs of beer on game night. I'm telling you, if you want other people to have fun playing Monopoly, you gotta get them really, really wasted. Get creative. Incorporate a drinking game into it. Something! Not a 12 pack of Amstel Light. Cases bro. With an S. Bottles bro. With an S. Sorry, but Monopoly? The only way that game could have worked with this crowd is if it involved beer bongs, wrestling for property, and real money.

Can someone say mulligan? Do over? Syke? It was like a bad dream where I had to conserve beer on gamenight and listen to Looseholes tell me how he kicks ass and talks shit when he plays Monopoly online versus other gamers.

Online Gamers?

The only thing that saved me on game night were the burritos and tacos Mike and I had delivered. Mike told me that they accepted credit card so we ordered a lot of food. Well, they didn't. And we paid in change. A lot of pennies and nickels that the furious delivery driver put in a plastic bag. Someone remind me not to order from there from Mike's address ever again.

Gasm on drinks this week. Congradulate him on his promotion to Case Manager at work. Manager usual equate to some kind of responsiblity, but... its Gasm. It probably just means surfing porn in a bigger chair. I hear that Mr. Fattchik and 9cm return also along with me Potato Sacks. See you there.